Conversation between me and a cow

Wolf Redboy

So everytime I am about to eat a hamburger, I watch the burger turn into a cow, and we have a conversation.

COW: Mooo. Don't eat me. I'm a cow.
WOLF: (Wipes ketchup off the cow's face, and looks closer).
COW: So - "Wolf" - you realize that it is bad to eat me for countless reasons - reasons like saving the rainforests (that require more grazing fields for livestock), health concerns over red meat (that raises your cholesterol), and simply, the act of killing other living beings. And yet, I notice you eat burgers every night. Why is this?
WOLF: Because ... well, Dr. D'Adamo, in his book "Eat Right for Your Type" says that all blood type O's need to eat beef.
COW: So you had me killed in order to fulfill some Type O quota?
WOLF: You would have died anyway. I couldn't stop your death. So I simply bought what was on the store shelves. I can't stop you cows from dying.
COW: Are you familiar with Kant?
WOLF: Yes.
COW: Do you remember what the acid test of his categorical imperative is?
WOLF: Yes, you are referring to the acid test of what is ethical and what is not. In essence, it means that it is alright for me to steal a grape from a store, only if it is alright for everyone to steal a grape from a store. If everyone stole grapes, then there would be no grapes so I should not steal a grape, even if it is only one.
COW: So by that rationale, is it okay for you to eat a cow from a store if everyone eats a cow from a store?
WOLF: No. No it isn't. Listen, here's the situation, Cow. According to Dr. D'Atamo I will basically be depriving my body of precious nutrients if I don't eat you. In other words, I will feel weak if I don't eat you.
COW: How do you think I will feel.
WOLF: (Silence).
COW: Just out of curiosity, when you see me, dead on your plate, and you are saying, "Mmm, good!", do you register that you are eating my very flesh?
WOLF: (Silence).
COW: If you did, that would be a rather peculiar reaction for you to be saying, don't you think? Shouldn't you be mourning my death or saying some prayer in gratefulness to Kali or Shiva?
WOLF: (Silence). (Stares at burger).
COW: Well? Do you register what you are looking at? What do you see when you see me?
WOLF: I see food.
COW: Food.
WOLF: Yes. After your slaughter, you have become hamburger. You are no longer a cow, but a product. Like a vitamin pill or a battery for my remote control to make it work so I can watch my show.
COW: So you objectify me.
WOLF: Why yes, unfortunately I do. In my mind, you are like a poker chip instead of actual money. You are a brick of energy, pulled right out of the sun and put into this land creature. You are a McNugget. A choco-bar.
COW: So I am nothing to you.
WOLF: I don't think about it. I just do it.
COW: Like a machine?
WOLF: Yes.
COW: That is interesting. I have often thought that the purpose for humanity is entropy. That is, everything since the Big Bang has been in a state of breaking down, as you know. Hence, if what you say is true, that you turn off and do your job, which is eating and consuming, it would make sense that you are only doing your job, your purpose, which is energy dispersion.
WOLF: And there's nothing that you can say that will stop me from eating you. Because it's what I do. I eat things.
COW: You are an impartial god.
(Wolf bites into burger).
(Cow screams).